Just For Laughs
by Nicluv1787
Summary: A collection of Humorous one-shots written for Various Prompts on LJ. #5. Sesshomaru's worst nightmares come true. Warning: A little crackish.
1. Campfire Stories

Title: Campfire stories

Author: Nicluv1787  
Rating: T

CU/AU: AU

Prompt: Dialogue only

Characters: Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku & Sango

Words: 731

Summary: A camping trip gone bad.

Warnings: Inu's potty mouth.

A/N: The Ghost story Kagome tells is my own adaptation of this folk tale: .

* * *

"This is it?"

"Don't turn your nose up at it, this is the best I could do since you lost our only food. "

"Keh, you weren't saying that when I saved you from that bear."

"As I remember it, it was a bear cub."

"Like you're one to talk Hioshi, you're the one who ran away screaming throwing down the backpack with our tent."

"Ha! Sango told you."

"You weren't any braver."

"Shut up wench, I caught us dinner."

"If you can call a sardine for four: dinner."

"Keh."

"I thought camping was supposed to be fun."

"It is when you're not with Miroku and Inuyasha."

"I second that motion."

"The women don't know how much they need us. Let's see how they would do on their own."

"Let's see how much sex _you'd _get on your own."

"Ouch, that hurts me Sango."

"Yeah, yeah, so what are we supposed to _do _out here, now that we're foodless and shelterless?"

"We could tell stories?"

"I've got a great one! There once was a man from Nantucket…"

"NO!"

"Okay so no on the stories, how about we share jokes?"

"I've got another one!"

"Is it perverted?"

"…"

"So that's a no on the jokes."

"Well what the hell are we supposed to do?"

"I have a few ideas, Sango."

"…"

"Ouch, that sounded painful."

"Yeah."

"What about a campfire classic: ghost stories?"

"Didn't we already axe stories?"

"Well since Miroku is… incapacitated…we should be fine."

"Alright, I have a good ghost story I learned back during summer camp."

"Well get on with it then. "

"I heard this story… it's about this lake that's not far from where were camping. Have you ever heard of the White Lady?"

"No."

"Keh, course not."

"Well, a long time ago there was a little cottage up in these hills where a mother and daughter lived. The daughter was very beautiful and all the men in the village wanted to take her as their wife."

"W-will you bear my sons!"

"Damn it Miroku."

"What's going on?"

"Kagome's telling us a ghost story, now shut up."

"Every day the daughter walked along the forest path to visit the lake and look for mushrooms and wild berries. A fisherman that lived along the lake knew about her daily routine, and desiring her greatly. He decided he would make her his bride. But things didn't go as planned and he drowned her on accident.

"How'd he go from wanting to marry her to drowning her?"

"Stop asking questions and just listen to the story. Anyway, the fisherman didn't want to be tried for murder so he tied rocks around her ankles and let her sink to the bottom of the lake. Later that day the girl's mother realized her daughter hadn't come home…"

"Cause she's dead."

"SHH."

"Anyway, the mother went down to the lake shore and she noticed the fisherman coming back a little later than usual. When she asked him if he'd seen her daughter he wouldn't look her in the eye, and then hurried away. Confused, the mother spent long hours searching for her daughter with no success. She reported the missing daughter to the authorities but it was too late. The fisherman had beaten her to it. He'd gone to the local pub and spread a rumor her daughter had run away with a young beau."

"That's a fast thinking fisherman."

"Inuyasha."

"Fine, I'm shutting up."

"Thank you. Knowing her daughter wouldn't run off without telling her the mother was convinced something awful had happened to her daughter. She spend days, then weeks, and finally years looking for her daughter; circling the lake calling out her name. After years of searching it became too much for her, her grief was too great and she killed herself by throwing herself off a cliff."

"Stupid wench."

"…"

"Alright just don't look at me like that anymore."

"Now some people say, that on cold nights like this you can hear her calling out for her daughter, wanting revenge she attacks unsuspecting males tormenting them to take the revenge for her daughters unjust death."

"_Yooouuuu killlledddd hhhheerrrrrr."_

"Holly shit its real! Let's get the fuck out of here Miroku."

"Right behind you!"

"HAHAHA."

"Oh man that was too easy. Thanks for coming in with that creepy voice Sango that was priceless."

"That wasn't me…"

"_yoouuuu killllleddd heeerrrrrr."_

"Inuyasha, Miroku wait for us!"


	2. Don't Ask Questions

Title: Don't Ask Questions

Author: Nicluv1787  
Rating: M

Genre: Comedy

CU/AU: AU

Prompt: Crucial Moments

Characters: Kagome and Inuyasha

Words: 591

Summary: disastrous

Warnings: language *innocent grin*

* * *

Kagome scooted along the floor, grasping beneath the bed for a tube of lip stick that had rolled under said bed. As her snatching hands clutched blindly she wrapped her hand around something, soft and silky. Kagome removed her hand with a pair of black, silk underwear. Kagome held up the balled up fabric, these weren't her underwear. Why were they under _her_ boyfriend's bed? Kagome suppressed the urge to shout, and instead turned calmly to the bedroom door.

"Inuyasha! Could you come in here," She called through gritted teeth.

Inuyasha strolled into the bedroom, unaware of the doom that was about to come crashing down on his head.

"Yeah what's up?"

Kagome held the evidence behind her back, deciding she'd give him the chance to come clean before she'd rip him a new, orifice.

"Do you have something to tell me?" She said sweetly, with a hint of malice.

Inuyasha knew that tone of voice and it instantly struck fear into his heart. He racked his brain for a list of possible misdemeanors, had he forgotten their anniversary? Her birthday? He decided to play dumb.

"What the hell you talking about?"

"What are thes-"

Kagome was cut short by Miroku, Inuyasha's roommate bursting into the room.

"Inuyasha, don't ask just give me your car keys."

Inuyasha looked at him dumbly for moment, before handing over his car keys. Miroku snatched the keys and ran from the room.

The momentary distraction caught Kagome off guard and made her feel a little more benevolent. She decided give Inuyasha one more chance to admit to his crime, possibly lessoning his punishment.

"Inuyasha, is there something you _need _to tell me," Kagome tried to signal him with her eyes.

He didn't have a damndest idea of what she was talking about. If it was their anniversary she wouldn't have dragged it out this long, her birthday either. What could it be?

"I seriously have _no _idea what you're talking about."

"I can't believe you Inuyasha; I gave you the chance to come clean on your own-"

The shrill call of Inuyasha's car alarm pierced the air. Inuyasha motioned to head for the door, but Kagome cut him off.

"You're not leaving here till I get answers!" She thundered.

Inuyasha stepped back fearful of the rage in her eyes. Just then Miroku burst into the room once more.

"Sorry about the car alarm. Here are your keys. I need to check you shower." Without stopping to take a breath Miroku brushed past them into the bathroom.

Kagome had, had it with all the interruptions and she was ready to cut to the chase.

"Inuyasha what the hell are these!" She said holding the underwear aloft, "Doing under _your _bed!"

Now he was really confused, why was Kagome mad she'd found a pair of her own underwear under his bed.

"I don't know, why'd you leave 'em under my bed?" he said shrugging his shoulders.

"_These _are not mine!" Kagome said shaking with rage, "I want to know why-"

"Oh thank god you found them!" Miroku rushed over to Kagome snatching the underwear from her hand. "I've been looking for these all over! Thanks guys, sorry for any confusion." With a triumphant smirk Miroku stalked out of the room silk panties clutched tightly to his chest.

Kagome and Inuyasha stood in silence for a few minutes.

"I'm not even going to ask why Miroku has a pair of woman's underwear let alone keeping it under your bed." Kagome said.

"It's best not to ask questions," Inuyasha replied.


	3. For the Love of Cats

Title: For the Love of Cats…

Author: Nicluv1787

Fandom: Inuyasha  
Rating: T (for language)

Prompt: Yield  
Character: Jii-chan, and Buyo  
Word count: 236

Summary: Grandpa and Buyo have a standoff.

A/N: I'd like to thank my cat for inspiring this, piece… the little jerk. Written for Fanfic_bakeoff on livejournal.

* * *

Scratch, Scratch, meeooooow.

Jii-chan looked up over his newspaper to the front door where the pathetic meows echoed from.

"Damn cat," He mumbled under his breath.

Scratch, scratch, meeooooow.

Mrs. Higurashi peeked her head out from the kitchen.

"Father, could you let the cat in, I would but my hands are all soapy." Mrs. Higurashi held up soapy hands as a way of proof.

Scratch, scratch, meeooooow.

Grandpa creakily rose from his seat, cursing his ache joints, as he did so. He ambled over to the door, sliding the door open to let the cat enter.

Buyo stared up at Jii-chan amicably, his tail twitching back and forth. He made no move to come inside.

"You come in or not?"Jii-chan scolded the animal.

Buyo stared up at him with wide green eyes, yawning, and then cleaning his paws. Jii-chan narrowed his eyes at the cat, motioning to close the door.

Springing to life Buyo bolted into the house a split second before Jii-chan closed the door.

Jii-chan grumbled under his breath making his way back over to couch. He eased himself back onto the couch, snapping open the paper.

**Five Minutes Later…**

Scratch, Scratch, meeooooow.

'_I am not yielding to that cat's every whim.' _Jii-chan thought decidedly ignoring the cat.

**Five seconds later…**

"Don't think I'll be letting you back in, in another five minutes!" Jii-chan called after Buyo as he frolicked away from the house.


	4. Heart Breaker

Title: Heart Breaker

Author: Nicluv1787  
Rating: T

Genre: Comedy/ Parody

CU/AU: CU

Prompt: Broken Heart

Characters: Kagome and …

Words: 986

Summary: Kagome sees Inuyasha with Kikyo again, this is the ensuing results.

Warning: It's a parody, and everything is all in good fun, and I myself am guilty of more than a few of these. :D Also it's slight crack.

A/N: this is super spazy, but after spending days trying to find a reasonable alt-pairing fic to read I couldn't help but write this.

* * *

It was a dark and stormy night, -the best stories always start out that way-. Kagome emerged from the well. Fat drops of rain fell onto her face, running rivulets down her skin, soaking her clothes to the bone. Kagome scanned the horizon for her _hanyou, _who should've been there to greet her. _'Where is he?' _The school girl wondered irately. Tumbling over the side of the well Kagome shrugged her monsterous sized backpack over her shoulders. Dragging her feet through mud that the turentual downpour had stirred up she headed towards Kaede's village, where the others would be waiting for her. Just past the well-clearing's edge she caught a flicker of pearlescence through the curtain of rain. Turning on her heel, she caught sight of one of Kikyo's soul collector. _'That's one of Kikyo's flying snake things…' _Kagome scowled. _'That means Kikyo is around, which means Inuyasha is with her.' _Balling her fists at her sides, Kagome stormed off after the serpentine creature as it weaves in and out of the forest.

The soul collector swooped down onto an intimate scene; Kagome stood by aghast as Inuyasha wrapped his arms around Kikyo's waist pressing her to his. Their tongues tangled in an exaggerated dance. She watches in horror as the pair began to grind up against one another. _'I can't believe this…' _fat tears well up in her eyes, washed away by the rain that continued to fall around her.

"Inuyasha you jerk!" she screeched, before turning on her heel bolting through the forest.

The forest reached out to stop her, her clothes catching on branches, tearing into her clothes and skin.

With each pounding step through the endless forest, another piece of her broken heart shatters to pieces. _'I'll never love again…' _She lamented.

Suddenly the rain clouds parted and the sunshine came through. Kagome's feet halted and she collapsed to her knees.

"Is it so much to ask for a nice guy?" she wailed.

The answer to her cry came in the form of a handsome wolf prince.

"You called?" Kouga strolled over to Kagome. –having aperated from the forest.-

"Kouga," Kagome gasped, wiping away her tears. "What are you doing here?"

Kouga looked around confused for a moment, "wasn't I supposed to be here, I thought that's how these stories went?"

Kagome rose to her feet, feeling baffled for a moment. "Well… I'm glad you here. I just saw Inuyasha with Kikyo and it was the last straw; take me to live you with the wolf tribe." Kagome flung herself into Kouga's arms.

"I'm so glad, Kagome, I've been waiting for you to realize I'm who you really belong with," Kouga petted Kagome's hair loving.

"I've been a fool," Kagome declared, lifting her brown-blue-gray eyes up to Kouga, staring up lovingly at him through her lashes.

Kouga took hold of her chin tilting it up, leaning in for a kiss.

"Release your grip of the _miko_," a voice crackling with power demanded. The pair turned to see Sesshomaru as he strode into the clearing, his silvery hair shimmering in the fresh sunlight. "This Sesshomaru is here to claim the _miko, _since this one's idiot brother has released his claim of her."

Kouga dropped his grip of Kagome, "too bad, Kagome's _my _woman, and now that she's left the _mutt, _we're going to be together.

Kagome stood back thoughtfully glancing between the two men. "Actually Kouga, I've changed my mind I think I'll go with Sesshomaru."

"What do you mean Kagome!" Kouga turned bewildered blue eyes on Kagome.

"It's just that I'd love to melt that cold heart…" Kagome looked Sesshomaru up and down. "Along with other things." she licked her lips.

"Good choice _miko," _Sesshomaru intoned. Striding across the clearing he scooped Kagome up wrapping her in his mokomoko.

'_I'm living every fan girl's dream.' _Kagome nuzzled into the mokomoko as they took off into the sky.

Sesshomaru and Kagome traveled in silence for some time, before landing miles away on a cliff's edge, where Sesshomaru had left behind Rin and Jaken.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" Jaken squacked coming to grovel at his master's feet.

Sesshomaru soundly kicked the toad aside, "Rin," he summoned.

Rin ran over, rings of flowers draped over her arms. "Welcome Kagome-san," Rin greeted sweetly, draping flowers over Kagome's neck. "Rin is happy to have you as Rin's new mother."

"Woah, woah, woah," Kagome held up her hand, "I'm not looking to be a mother yet I'm only fifteen! I was just hoping to teach Sesshomaru to love… in more than one way." Kagome looked Sesshomaru up and down sensuously.

Sesshomaru raised an elegant brow, "Why would this Sesshomaru take you if it wasn't to be a companion for Rin?"

Kagome stepped back a few feet, "ehh, on second thought Sesshomaru I think I'm going to pass, thanks for the offer though." Turning quickly on her feet Kagome bolted from the clearing.

She ran until she knew Sesshomaru wasn't following her and then slowed to a stop. _'What do I do now I wonder…' _her question was quickly answered by the deep chuckle of evil laughter.

"So, you're all alone, miko?"

Kagome twirled around, coming face to face with Naraku. _'Oh no it's Naraku and I don't even have my arrows…' _

"Kukuku, there's nowhere for you to run. I know that you and Inuyasha have split up for good and I've come to lay my claim to you."

"Okay, that's where I draw the line," Kagome declared stamping her foot.

"Kouga, yeah that makes sense. Sesshomaru, it's a long shot but sure. But Naraku? I'm sorry no. I don't need this. I'd rather deal with Inuyasha and Kikyo than all this." Kagome threw her hands up in defeat stomping off.

Naraku slid off his baboon skins, his brows furrowed with confusion. "Was it something I said?"

Sesshomaru and Kouga materialized next to him.

"Don't worry about her," Kouga rested his hand on Naraku's shoulder, "That woman is just a heart breaker."


	5. My Worst Nightmare

Title: My Worst Nightmare

Author: Nicluv1787  
Rating: T

Genre: Comedy

CU/AU: AU

Prompt: AU

Characters: Sesshomaru, and Sesshmom, along with some suprises.

Words: 666 *evil smirk*

Summary: Sesshomaru's worst nightmares come true.

Warning: Crackish. Language.

* * *

Sesshomaru rapped briskly onto the door. Immediately, the sound of purposeful footsteps could be heard. Then the door opened with a creek.

His mother stood in the doorway, her silver hair pulled back away from her face in a low ponytail, an ever present smirk on her lips.

"Sesshomaru," she drawled, "what brings you here my son?"

"It has been sometime since I came to visit. I figured it was prudent I pay a visit." He inclined his head to her formally. Raising his head back up, he caught sight of his mother's swollen abdomen. He sniffed the air for confirmation, her scent had changed… she was pregnant? "What is the meaning of this?" He motioned to the growth of her stomach.

She stroked her abdomen lovingly, "you're going to have a little brother or sister," she replied plainly.

"You've taken a new mate?" he accused.

"Hmm," she hummed, "Would you like to meet him?"

His brow twitched in agitation, he doesn't visit his mother for a few months and she goes off and gets mated, and pupped. "If I must," he intoned.

"Wonderful. Right this way." She swept down the hallway and into the adjacent living room.

Stepping into the living room his view was blocked by his mother's back, but he recongnized the voice immediately.

"Who the hell was at the door?" Inuyasha groused.

"It's your brother my dear," his mother giggled girlishly.

"About damn time he came to visit." Inuyasha stood, coming in view of Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru wasn't sure which emotion to address first the rage, or the utter disgust that his half brother was fathering, his next half sibling.

"Explain this," Sesshomaru accused motioning towards Inuyasha with a wide sweep of his arm.

His mother giggled once more girlishly, taking hold of Inuyasha's arm. "We met at a singles bar a couple months ago, and hit it off."

"I didn't even know she was your mom till after I started fucking her," Inuyasha added, "But it's kind of kinky when you think about it."

Hot rage boiled from deep in his stomach, "I see," he ground out, "And you are the father of my next half-sibling?"

"Maybe," Inuyasha replied.

"What do you mean, _maybe?" _Sesshomaru snarled.

"Well you see, son," His mother cut in, "Inuyasha here isn't my only lover, in fact there's a second."

"Who!" he could keep the disgust and adgitation form his tone.

"Dear come out here!" His mother called. Waddling in, in nothing put a frilly pink apron was Jaken, his hands soapy with dish water. "Sesshomaru is here for a visit," His mother explained.

"Ah, Lord Sesshomaru, good to see you," the kappa squacked.

Bile really did rise in his throat as he thought of the disgusting three ways that could have ensued.

"This can't be happening!" he screamed, "Tell me this is a joke!"

"I'm afraid not, I'm your new daddy," Inuyasha smirked.

Sesshomaru stumbled back, "No, No you're not my real father!" he screamed.

The three closed in on him as he crawled across the floor, their bodies morphing into one as they leered down at him. They twisted and contorted turning into a strange monster with green skin, golden eyes, and silver hair.

The creature crawled towards him, swiveling its dog like ears. It turned a beaked face up to him, "Big brother!" It squacked.

* * *

Sesshomaru woke up in a cold sweat clutching at his chest. He glanced over at the alarm clock. It was close to midnight.

"Oh, thank god, it was only a dream," he slumped back down in bed preparing to fall back asleep when his phone rang.

Fumbling to grasp it in the dark he found it on his bed side table, he flipped it open answering it. "Hello?"

"Sesshomaru, son, I was just calling you to let you know I'm in Vegas," his mother cooed on the other line.

"Why do I need to be called at midnight about this?" he asked tonelessly.

"Because I'm getting married… to Inuyasha."


	6. Your Dirty Little Secret

Title: Your Dirty Little Secret

Author: Nicluv1787  
Rating: K

Genre: Comedy

CU/AU: Canon(ish)

Prompt: Closet

Characters: Sesshomaru and Kagome

Words: 725

Summary: Kagome stumbles upon Sesshomaru's dirty little secret.

A/N: Written for Dokuga_contest.

* * *

The western shiro was sprawling and impressive even by modern day standards. Long stretched walk ways stretched over immaculate gardens, with perfectly trimmed shrubbery. The rooms were generous and comfortable.

Kagome was still confused by the events that had led to their arrival there. They'd been travelling along in search of jewel shards when Sesshomaru had descended upon them like a dark cloud. Inuyasha and he had shared a heated exchange before disappearing off together, leaving the rest of the Inutachi to speculate on the goings on. Once Inuyasha had returned he'd informed the group they were heading west to the home of the former Inu no Tashio.

Upon arriving they were greeted with a dilapidated, sprawling estate that seemed to have seen better days. In a crisp tone Sesshomaru had informed them they would be helping with the repair process. Kagome had looked to Inuyasha to protest but found him uncharacterisically compliant. So, she'd merely shrugged her shoulders and gotten to work. They polished the wooden floors till they shined, took out old tatami mats to be dusted and cleaned. Weeks went by and before long the place was starting to look livable.

Once a month had gone by Kagome went to Inuyasha demanding answers.

"Why are we still here?"

"Keh, don't worry about it wench."

"What does Sesshomaru want from us?"

"It aint important woman, get over it."

Kagome narrowed her eyes before stomping off. He must have been crazy to think she'd let this lie.

So, she'd taken to roaming the grounds, determined to solve this mystery. On more than one occasion she'd been intercept by different parties; each trying to derail her from her mission. First it was Inuyasha with a jewel shard hunting mission that ended in a dead end. By nightfall she'd returned to the _shiro _so exhausted she didn't have time to worry about solving the mystery.

The next day Rin had cornered her and demanded she help her with a burgeoning garden. For hours Rin had forced her to recite names of plants working her fingers to the bone digging, planting, weeding, and hoeing. She collapsed onto her futon that night, before realizing they were all working together to keep her from something, but what? The suspense was killing her, she just had to know.

The third day they'd made the mistake of assigning the Kappa to watch her. He was just simply too easy to ditch. It was embarrassing, really. All she had to do was mention Inuyasha was practicing his swordsmanship in the courtyard to send the Kappa flying after him trying to prevent any property damage.

Once she was on her own, she crept stealthly along the _shiro_, careful to avoid the creaks in the floor or open doorways. Each room was inspected in turn. What was the secret they were all trying to hide? Each room yielded nothing.

Then she stumbled across the final room; finally she was getting somewhere. It was the largest room on the grounds and obviously belonged to Sesshomaru. Large screens painted with delicate scenery of mountains and landscapes shielding the sleeping area from the main room. Thankfully, Sesshomaru was out. Kagome stepped into the room cautiously. A sudden thrill tingled through her. This was it, she knew it. She was closing in on the mystery. Then she saw it, at the back of the room two double doors, oddly reminiscent of a closet. _'He has a closet?' _she mused.

Curiosity won her over and she walked over to the closet. Her hands hovered above the handles only momentarily before she flung them open. Her breath caught in her throat, it couldn't be. He wouldn't.

"You've found me out," A deep voice rumbled.

Kagome twirled around her hands pressed to her chest, "Sesshomaru, you…"

"Yes, _miko?"_

"Is this the reason we've all been working for you? Why Inuyasha has been so compliant." Kagome gasped as he stepped forward a hands breath away.

"You know my secret and now you too will be bound by its secrecy or pay the price, with your life."

His words sent a cold chill down her spine.  
"I can't believe you have so many. That's the most I've ever seen at one time in my life."

"My collection is quite impressive."

"Are you kidding, that's the greatest closet full of shoes I ever seen!"


End file.
